Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize