Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my god I love twenty year old dicks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
