God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
