What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
