my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
