He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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