Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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