I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
