someone threw a dead crab at me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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