My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
