my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
