Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
