dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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