she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
