im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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