Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
