I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
