it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so let's talk penis.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
