the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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