Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
