go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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