She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
