3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
