So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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