the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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