Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
