remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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