I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
