theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
