so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
