Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
