i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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