So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
