that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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