So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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