I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
