Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
