If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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