it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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