theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
