So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
