One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
