she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
