last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
