yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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