I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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