Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
