at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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