I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
