He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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