You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
