3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
