a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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