when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
