The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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