Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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