Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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