I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
