if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
