he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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