I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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