I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
