There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
