FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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