grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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