Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
