We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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