fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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