I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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