That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
