seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think i have two assholes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
