Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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