my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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