I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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