I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The beer is more important than you right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
