If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
