No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
