Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
