Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize