He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
