hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no, he came in my armpit
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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