That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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