I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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